Inside were photos. Maybe twenty or so printed photos of people, places, movies, anything and everything that made me happy. They were laminated sloppily with clear duct tape. When things were bad, I’d pull my duvet and pillow through my bedroom window and onto the flat roof and cry myself to sleep, knowing my parents couldn’t reach me and hoping my neighbours couldn’t see me. That’s why they were laminated. I kept them pinned around the outside of my window so I could look at them while I was out there for whatever reason and smile. The holes I made pinning these photos are probably still there, but I’m not. I haven’t been on that roof in a long time. I haven’t been on that roof to cry in even longer.

Some of the people in the photos I’m longer in touch with. I had a falling out with one of the girls in many of the photos that once made me happy. That’s ok. She came into my life when I needed someone like her and she filled her purpose in my life. I focused on another girl in a lot of those photos. In a year we’ve become even closer still. I texted her when I rediscovered these photos and we cried together. I’ve come a long way since I made these photos, and she’s been there with me the whole way. 

Along with these laminated memories and dreams, I had written myself a note to read in case things got bad again. This is what I wrote:

“Listen.

You’re going to get through this. It may or may not come right away, but be patient. It’s coming.

You’re 14. Do you think this is how you’ll be in ten years? Nope. In ten years you’ll be travelling the world or learning about something you love.

You’re going to write a book, travel the world, make movies, sell art, meet interesting people. You might not be able to do any of that right now, but be patient. Like I said, it’s coming.

Right now, things might suck. Who cares? You won’t remember this pretty soon, so why bother? You have amazing friends. Your family loves you. They yell at you, sure. Ignore it. Focus on all the good things. There are so, so many. 

Think about the good times. Look through these photos. Breathe. All is well.”

So, to whomever is reading this: If things aren’t alright, they will be. Just breathe, be patient, and love the things around you